In My Veins
by poisonnwine
Summary: Song Fic - In my Veins.- *Spoilers* Explains Toby being A, and falling for her.


******This follows the thoery that Toby was on A from the begining, and fell for Spencer, by mistake.**

__**In**** My Veins**

_Nothing goes as planned._  
_Everything will break._

__He was never suppose to actually love her, he never thought that he would actually love her. Maybe it was that feeling of emptiness, that fueled his rage for her and her friends. But, the rage stopped at one point. He didn't know when or even how, but she slowly made him feel whole. His feelings for her, they finally won. Here was this girl, completely fooled, telling him she loved him. Some one who shuts out her feelings, not letting any one in. Spencer Hastings. She had let him in. Maybe, that was the breaking point. He thought he could push those feelings aside, but every time he was with her, that darkness in him slowly faded away.

_People say goodbye._  
_In their own special way._  
_All that you rely on_  
_And all that you can fake_  
_Will leave you in the morning_  
_But find you in the day_

How long could he keep doing this? He knew he was hurting her, in more ways than one. It would kill her to know, but it was killing him too. Slowly killing him. He wasn't faking his feelings for her any more, not to her at least. He hated how much he loved her, he had fallen for her. This wasn't good. It wasn't good for any one. He knew it wasn't good. Although, he is who he is. It was tragic.

_Oh you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_

Sitting in this place, her face everywhere. Just made it worse, her picture on the wall looking determined as ever. She was smart, if only she knew how smart he was. She had built this whole place on her laptop, after seeing it for nearly twenty minutes. She would have made an excellent addition. He knew when he asked Mona to recruit her, it was a risk. A risk for her that is, Mona would kill her if she didn't accept. He couldn't believe that now, he would never let that happen. Never put her in that much danger, for his own selfish needs. Although, escaping Mona's evil rage, maybe made him love her more. She was always on his mind, and not in the way he use to think of her. Not in a form of hate, and spite, but wanting to be with her, not because he wanted to spy on her, or torture her, but because he missed her. When he slept with her, it wasn't out of spite, like Mona had thought, but it was the next step in their 'relationship', he wanted to be with her in that way.

_Oh you run away_  
_Cause I am not what you found_  
_Oh you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out._

When she found out, if she found out, who he really was, then she would never forgive him. Perhaps, he was was being selfish. But, he wasn't that guy, that guy that he made her fall in love with. That guy was honest, and caring. He would never be that guy. He was dark, and she was light. He was damaged, and hurt, which eventually spiraled into anger, and hate. He wasn't that guy. He didn't know who he was any more. She made him realize what he was doing, and he was a bad guy. But, can't bad guys love too?

_Everything will change._  
_Nothin stays the same._  
_And nobody here's perfect._  
_Oh but everyones to blame_  
_All that you rely on_  
_And all that you can save_  
_Will leave you in the morning_  
_And find you in the day_

He didn't know who to blame when his life starting spiraling into that pit of darkness. He didn't know why all these horrible things were all happening one after another, he didn't know what he had done in the past to cause him such pain. But, maybe it's what he did in the future, rather than the past. When he was empty, con-tempting on just ending it all. He was weak, and fragile. Jenna found him that way, after his mother had died, after Alison's endless torture, after his father started to date again. At the time he was so lost, so lonesome, that he didn't realize what he was doing was wrong. After time, he realized it was, his father had gotten married, and he wanted to stop it. Maybe he was slowly coming back up to the light, but then she had manipulated him. He still was fragile, and she was strong. She had the family wrapped around her finger, and forced him to be with her. She had taken his innocence, the last thing he seemed to have left. It needed to stop, but he wasn't strong enough to stop it. Then, Alison and her stupid posse, sort of made things better and worse. Everyone hated him in town, after the accident. His reputation was completely ruined. His father, was already so distant with him, after his mother's death, but now it was like she hated him. But he did get away from Jenna, and Alison. He got sent to reform school, and learned a thing or two. Made some dark friends, and maybe that's when the darkness began. But, hadn't been brought to the surface. Not even when he went back to Rosewood, and was accused of Alison's murder, No, Mona had came along, at his weakest point, and brought the darkness inside him out. He got warped into it, and he was in to deep, to notice but Spencer was bringing him back to the light. Back to the light, that he hadn't been in for so long. She brought him out of the shadows, and had made him fall for her. He didn't mean to, he didn't think he would but he did. But, she wasn't in love with him, this guy sitting in a black hoodie. No, she was in love with Toby Cavanaugh. He didn't know who he was, he wasn't Toby Cavanaugh; perfect boy friend, the thing Spencer wants most; perfection. He didn't know who he was. But, when he was with Spencer, he felt like he was just himself, whomever that was. With her, he felt a wholeness, an identity, he felt his love for her, and he knew for the time being he was just a guy who had fallen for the wrong girl by mistake.

_Oh you're in my veins_

_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_  
_Oh you run away_  
_Cause I am not what you found_  
_Oh you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out._

_No I cannot get you out._  
_No I cannot get you._

He didn't know if he would ever stop loving her. He didn't know what to do. She had became a part of him. He couldn't get her out. It was beyond tragic, two people who are soul mates, but can never really be together. They were doomed from the start, and Toby thought that maybe this is just how their lives are supposed to be. Both living in a world so evil, but so good at the same time.

_Everything is dark._  
_It's more than you can take._  
_But you catch a glimpse of sun light._  
_Shinin, down on your face._

Spencer Hastings, he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he had actually fallen for her, but maybe she wasn't the reason for his pain. Wasn't the reason for the pit of darkness he had fallen into, but she was the reason he was out of it.

_Oh you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_  
_Oh you run away_  
_Cause I am not what you found_  
_Oh you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_


End file.
